El Chupacabra: Mythical Monster or Major Disappointment?
I need to start this post by stating that I received the inspiration from my friend Tom, also known as DJ Tommy Fly Pants (Actually, I’m the only person who calls him that!), who inquired as to why I’ve never featured this sweetheart of the cryptozoological world on Extraordinary Intelligence.
El Chupacabra has captured the fancy of more than a few seekers of the unknown. First of all, it is really fun to say. Ellll Chupacabrrrrra! I think that’s one of the major selling points. For best effect, you really have to rrrrroll those R’s like they’re goin’ out of business. Last Christmas, I bought my brother a t-shirt that says, “El Chupacabra doesn’t believe in you either.” Isn’t that snazzy? I thought so, too.
First, a little background. El Chupacabra or Los Chupacabras is a cryptid that is said to inhabit the Americas. Its name literally means “goat sucker”. First reported in Puerto Rico, this little sucker (pardon me) has also been spotted in Mexico and the U.S. Generally, this guy is known for sucking the blood from livestock, particularly goats, and is said to be quite the nuisance. Physical descriptions based on eyewitness accounts have varied over the years, but the popular opinion is that he has spines that cover his back and down his tail, he’s about the size of a small bear, is somewhat reptilian in appearance with grey or green scaly skin, and hops about like a wee kangaroo. Oh, and he always has fangs. Sometimes he’s reported to have wings or glowing eyes, but always El Chupacabra is described to be a very nasty little bugger.
In recent years, it seems that we are coming ever closer to tracking down the elusive goat sucking monster from the nether world…and I gotta tell you, it’s been a bit of a let down.
Several people have come forward with photos, video footage, and actual carcasses claiming them to be El Chupacabra evidence. For the most part, these things don’t look anything like the creature that I’ve envisioned. In fact, they don’t look much different than a sad little dog with a serious case of mange. Decide for yourself.
Rancher Phylis Canion of Cuero, Texas found the carcass of a strange creature on the road. The above is the head of this animal, which really looks like a dog to me.
Hey Australians! I think that looks an awful lot like a wallaby, don’t you??
I have one observation about the above video…El Chupacabra has some giant…cajones. Just sayin’.
So, if these pieces of evidence are meant to be the real Chupacabra, it kinda takes the wind out of my sails. Until we know for certain, I think I’m going to pretend that El Chupacabra is actually the following creature: